Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Whackest Days Start Out With Matty V

A crazy day indeed.
Here is my account of the day.
It is factual.
There are not going to be a lot of adjectives.
This is simply for my own records.
A crazy day indeed.
Yesterday that is.
Today I have yet to leave the house and so far nothing has happened.
So lets talk about yesterday shall we?
It started out normal enough.
I crawled out of bed slightly refreshed on 8 hours.
Its saturday.
The sun is out in between the clouds and the ground is damp.
I walk to the coffee shop where I run into Matty V on Dorchester Ave.
Matty V already had his coffee.
I have not.
Enough said.
I was still across the street looking at the coffee shop.
Staring at the coffee shop
Like an oasis.
He is talking
I'm not really hearing what he says
Other than him laughing at my black hair and calling me Billy Joe Armstrong.
I said "I hate this town. I need coffee"
The coffee was good enough
I sat there reading the paper when I noticed this attractive young lady reading sitting across from me.
She kept looking at me.
It was a lot to handle first thing in the morning.
So she walks up to my table and drops a note on it.
It says her name, B*&^%
and it says 200 a half hour and 3 hundred an hour
What a ripoff.
That's a weeks pay for me these days.
I got up and left.
I flicked the note onto the ave and walked on
I got home and checked my email
I'm procrastinating
I need to change my strings for the show tonight, but i hate changing my strings.
If I don't change them before gigs they break.
I have a tendency to abuse my guitar.
I check my email again.
Oooh an email from a friend
Its the third one this week about missing me in Vermont or Northampton
What is this all about?
I figure there is some sort of misprint online about a show or something
He says "with Dropkick Murphy's"
I say "hey man I'm not in Dropkicks, I was just playing that one song with them"
He says "on their website it says your opening "
I say "Oh"
I check it out.
Sweet. I am opening
I call Ken Casey
Confirmed. I am opening for Dropkicks
I start punching it into the web when suddenly
The 20 years younger than my landlady polish lover of my polish landlady comes bursting into my apartment with a laptop computer
"Balayan!" he says, "Shhhhh" and puts it in my shower. He then turns and runs for the door.
2 minutes later there are sirens.
Polish male mid 30's bla bla bla
Radios outside my window.
What the fuck. How did I get into this?
I decide after about a half hour of avoiding the police and looking at the laptop in my shower and peeking out the window Jehovah's witness' style, that I've had enough. I need a sandwich. A big 'ole motherfucker of a sandwich from the polish mafia sandwich shop. They have really good sandwiches. The polish people don't mess around with sandwiches
I manage to stroll right out. There are 2 police cars. I go unnoticed. Way to go cops!
I come back. The line at the sandwich place is too long and I'm impatient. I would rather go hungry than wait in a line. I am my own worst enemy.
My landlady is in the driveway crying.
Whats the matter I say?
"Raphael go bad", she says "Raphael go bad"
They were supposed to be married today.
He went crazy.
Smashed the house.
Ran off.
Broke in.
I say hey theres a laptop in my shower.
She says, "that's mine Balayan".
I get the laptop and explain to her and 2 detectives the details of my situation and my involvement in this laptop heist.
I am innocent.
I then ask if they know of any places to live?
No they say.
I put a sign on my door
It says "Laptop No Here"
I never manage to change my strings
The show was great. I break a string.
I go see this movie Paranormal Something with my friend that's a girl
We'll call her K^*&%
She doesn't cost 300 an hour.
This movie scares the shit outa me.
I'm up until 4 am jumping out of bed at every squeaky noise looking for demons and crazed Polish men with expired visas looking for laptops. Friggin Demons.
Today I am drinking Tea



~ April ~ said...

Wow. And I thought some of the days that I've had in the past month were wacky, but man, you take the cake!

Bryan Mcpherson said...

To the person that messaged me anonymously about this. It is not easy for me to figure out who is guilty and who is innocent in this situation. The fact that she took the guy back is her business. People do crazy shit. If you ever had this woman as a landlady you would know that she is not mother theresa. Last night she was giving me a hard time about locking myself out. 1 week after I got cops outside my window and her dude in my shower with a stolen laptop. Then she says that he said I never gave the key back the last time I got locked out. So now he's prolly just waiting around with a copy of that key to rip me off. Personally I hold her just as responsible as him and I think the world doesn't want to hold people accountable on the decisions that they make. They want to blame someone else. I just wanna get the fuck out of here.